characteristics of love
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characteristics of love
In a romantic relationship, love develops over time. Explore the characteristics of a loving relationship, how love continues to develop, and examine different approaches to love across different cultures.
Love Relationship
There is a lot of scoffing at psychology, especially when it was first trying to establish itself as a science. One belief was that the idea of love could not be studied because it was too complex, too personal and too integral to being human. That’s like saying chemists can’t study carbon because it’s too integral to life, or physicists can’t study bosons or something because it’s so important to the universe.
A loving relationship is intimacy, passion and commitment between two people. I’ve based this definition on the triangular theory of love, which states every relationship is made up of one or more parts intimacy, passion and commitment. A close friendship has intimacy, where the two people share a bond. Love at first sight is based on passion. There is the loveless relationship where the feeling of excitement has passed into intimacy and commitment, but there is no passion. There are various other combinations and descriptions of these three parts intermingling.
Let’s look at how this typically develops over time, and then we can look and see if there are cultural influences to this. It may be hard to believe, but attraction and love are highly influenced by what we perceive around us in terms of media and other couples.
Love Is Unconditional
Though it is pretty self-explanatory, few people truly understand what unconditional Love really means. Real love is always unconditional. When you can love a person completely without expecting anything from them, it is unconditional love. In fact, you may not even expect love and attention from them in return. You are simply grateful to the universe for their presence in your life.
Alignment of Values
Values are probably the most important and often overlooked aspects of a healthy relationship.
So what are values?
Simply put, values are the things that you find important in life. They dictate how you live your life and what you stand for. They usually come from your parents and how you were raised. But, they often shift in life depending on your experiences.
But values are extremely important in a relationship. A simple example of values in a relationship would be monogamy and commitment. If you believe a committed relationship possesses these values and your partner does not? You would have two choices. Either change your values or leave the relationship.
When you choose to change your values you put yourself at risk of losing yourself in the relationship. Have you ever had a friend who said: “I lost myself in that relationship.” This comes from stepping outside your values and trying to bend to someone else’s needs.
Plain and simple, happy/healthy couples share the same values.
Love Means Never Having To Be Bound To Expectations
Sure, we all want others to behave the way we expect them to. We want them to be more caring, more affectionate, more outgoing, smarter, more ambitious, or more attentive. But, all of these are expectations. Expectations are nothing but your requirements for loving someone, which is contrary to what true love is. Real love has no expectations. The focus is on you loving them, and that is enough for you.
You respect your partner, and he respects you.
Love is the active concern for the life and the growth of that which we love.
One of the most important points that Fromm makes about love is that true, mature love is one in which the loved person is not possessed. If you truly love your partner (or child or friend), then you sincerely wish for them what they want for themselves – whether it’s a better job, an advanced degree, or a desire to pursue a new hobby. A good relationship is therefore one in which each partner takes an active interest in learning about each other as individuals and talking to them about their future goals and desires.
You are not afraid of each other’s successes
Unwavering Support
Whether it’s career, independence or pursuits, happy couples support one another — unconditionally. As long as someone’s pursuits aren’t toxic to their own health, you or your relationship? Support them.
The couples I talked to for this article all said that no matter what it was they supported their partner endeavors. Why?
We are all here to experience life and expand as human beings. That is the purpose of our time on this planet. If you are with someone who doesn’t support your expansion — you’re with the wrong person.
You should be with someone you want to see grow in this life. You deserve to have someone who feels the same way about you.
Again, it’s unwavering support because wanting for someone else’s happiness is the truest expression of love for them. (Remember that.)
To love somebody is not just a strong feeling—it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise.
Perhaps the most important lesson about love from Fromm’s book is that true, mature love is, the type of love that lasts. This is not the popularly conceived “falling in love” but rather it’s a “standing in love.” If we conceive of love as not a feeling but rather an action, then we can actually focus on improving the way we love others – and the way we love ourselves.
Mariana Ashley is a freelance writer who particularly enjoys writing about online colleges.
You are honest with each other.Even if it threatens to become a quarrel
You Inspire Each Other
Think about those relationships where one person is striving to better themselves while the other one just lays around proud of staying the same person forever. Yeah, those are not real love relationships, and rather they are one-sided. With an amazing love affair, both parties are always working to better themselves and each other.
If one partner has a disability or deficiency, the other partner will go all heaps to inspire and encourage their partner to overcome that fiasco. I have seen people inspire their loved ones to get over the most drastic life struggles. I have really seen some people lose weight for the sake of their loved ones and even though it might seem like to be the hardest thing to do, true love makes miracles happen!
If you’re in a devoted relationship, you will notice a desire to be nicer and more helpful because your partner may be acting in the same way. He will also take cues from your improvements as well. This will prompt a mutual and respectful desire towards betterment.
Real Love Leads to Happiness
When you are truly in love with someone, you realize that happiness doesn’t come exclusively from this union. Both of you know that happiness is a state of being regardless if you are with someone or not.
The good news is, you can explore happiness together and share your different feelings about this emotion. You can also both learn the ups and downs of happiness, and that sometimes it doesn’t look like what you thought as a child. You both know all these things when you’re trying to build a relationship.
Way to Communicate
Communication doesn’t come easy to everyone. In fact, those who think they are in love but fail to show other characteristics also have problems with communication. A feeling that isn’t true shows brazenly when two people are unable to communicate with each other about differences. In a situation of stress and anxiety, you
will notice this when one partner always gets loud or leaves the room. This is a huge indicator that a couple is
mismatched and neither of them can use words to express feelings in a healthy manner.
The Passion Factor
Passion is an intense feeling of wanting to be deeply involved with another person, often physically. People who are simply friends do not tend to be as passionate about that relationship as they are about someone they are romantically involved with. If you don’t have a strong desire to be a fundamental part of another person’s world, then you are probably just friends. Passion is an ingredient in whirlwind romances and teenage crushes, but infatuation doesn’t constitute true love.
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