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love with abandon meaning
To love with Abandon means to love recklessly with zero expectation. To love completely, without giving any thought to outside influence (race, age, status, religion). To love with nothing in return. As mothers and friends and influences on residents of our little community, we have abundant opportunity to love in such a way. God talks about love from every angle possible and in every account it is clear that we are called to simply love.
God commands us to love fervently (or earnestly and without ceasing), because love covers the sins of others. This kind of love is sacrificial, not self-seeking and understands the gospel of grace. This kind of love is given with abandon.
Our hearts here at Fourfold desire to love well. We want this in our veins and we want it seeping out of us. We hope that each encounter is an example of the way Christ loves us.
What Does “With Abandon” Mean?
“With abandon” means that someone is doing something without the fear of consequences. It often means that someone isn’t considering their own inhibitions, and they’re just doing something because they want to with no fear of right or wrong. It applies to many concepts.
Typically, we’ll talk about a specific concept that someone is doing “with abandon,” like “love” or “life.” We might use these terms to talk about how somebody is doing something on impulse rather than fretting too much about what might go wrong if they’re not careful.
We could also use it in more negative ways, like when someone takes life with abandon. In this case, it means that the murderer does not care about the life that they’ve taken, and they often don’t care about the consequences either.
What Does It Mean To Love With Abandon?
Now, let’s look at a few common cases where we might see the phrase “with abandon” used. The first is with the concept of “love.”
When you love with abandon, it means that you’ll happily fall deeply into love with people, even if you’ve only just met them. It means you’ll let your guard down very quickly and allow them in, even without fully understanding why yourself.
People who love with abandon often set themselves up for more painful heartbreak. If the relationship goes south, a person who loves with abandon won’t know how to cope with their loss.
However, it can also be a good thing because it means you love someone with no fear of what might happen. You’re able to put your entire effort into the relationship with no issues.
What Is Unconditional Love?
Part of the problem with unconditional love in relationships is the lack of understanding of what it means.
Most of us will think of a parent’s love for a child or a child’s love for a parent as unconditional love. This type of love depends on nothing other than the familial bond and doesn’t break down based on what the child or parent does—at least in an ideal scenario.
In the purest sense, unconditional love is about caring about the happiness of another person without any concern for how it benefits you. Research tells us that the parts of the brain that light up during unconditional love are similar to those involved in romantic love and maternal love, and are linked to the brain’s reward system. This suggests that unconditional love may be rewarding without receiving anything in return.
Falling Out of Love
We are programmed in life to have conditional love. You love your partner because of their unique traits and qualities that attracted you to them. It’s why you love them and not another person. The question becomes, if they change, at what point is love withdrawn?
True mature love should come with no strings attached. It is a behavior, rather than a feeling, a point of confusion that can lead to the breakdown of romantic relationships. The satisfaction of unconditional love should come from the act of giving it to the other person, not from what you receive in return.
If we think about unconditional love as the “expression of our kindest self,” it can be maintained even if a relationship does not survive. You might know couples who still love each other but are no longer together. If a relationship is hurting you more than it is good to you, it is OK to feel unconditional love but let the relationship go.
What about the less clear area of falling out of love with someone? If you still show them unconditional love, you will find a way to kindly and gently end the relationship.
In essence, when we first fall in love, it’s in an unconditional state, and we can’t ever imagine not feeling this way about the other person. But we live in a conditional world, and relationships do end. We all have different tastes and needs, and these can change over time.
One thing is certain: Relationships that are completely lacking in unconditional love are unlikely to succeed. Beliefs and lifestyle are likely to change over time, and if you aren’t willing to see your partner go through changes, it could spell the end for the two of you.
If you’re dating someone with abandonment issues, it’s worth keeping these things in mind.
Realize that it’s not about you.
If they’re being withdrawn or overly jealous, please understand that you haven’t done anything to cause this behavior: they’re likely seeing some kind of parallel between a current situation and something they experienced years ago, and they’re reacting to the emotions being drummed up by that, rather than what’s happening now.
They might freak out and behave really poorly, leaving you sitting there dazed, wondering what the hell you might have done to have elicited such a reaction, when in reality it’s just them remembering what it was like to be hurt beyond measure and doing everything in their power to avoid hurting that much again.
Again, if you can, please be patient with them. Encourage them to talk to you about what they’re feeling once they’ve calmed down. After they’ve had their panic attack and possible outburst, they’ll likely feel very ashamed of their behavior. If you work together, they can grow from the experience, and your support and reassurance may in fact stop that kind of thing from happening too often again.
Always be honest about your feelings.
Please don’t feel that you have to walk on eggshells or swallow your own emotions in an attempt to avoid setting them off. They might seem very fragile and delicate at times,
but that’s mostly because they overthink everything and are constantly on high alert,
trying to read “between the lines” to see if you’re going to hurt them or leave them outright.
If this behavior is upsetting or frustrating to you, talk to them about it instead of bottling it up and either remaining silent,
or trying to convince them that nothing is wrong. By doing that, they’ll become even more insecure because they’ll feel that you’re hiding things from them,
and that you’re halfway out the door, walking away.
Don’t hesitate to over-communicate, seriously. These people would prefer that you tell them about the minutiae going on in your life so they feel like they’re an integral part thereof. The more you can do to reassure them that they’re important, the better. They need that, and when they feel safe and secure in the relationship, they’ll be able to open up to you and be the partner you need in turn.
Don’t enable their negative self-talk.
If they put themselves down, talking about how stupid they are for feeling the way they do, or apologizing for how “broken” they are, try not to enable them by just telling them that no, they’re wrong. That’ll just invalidate how they’re feeling, and they’ll end up saying the same things the next time they break down a little bit.
Instead, try an approach in which you’re listening actively, but trying to get them to see the situation from different perspectives.
You may fear that someone you love is going to physically leave and not come back. You may fear that someone will abandon your emotional needs. Either can hold you back in relationships with a parent, partner, or friend.
Fear of emotional abandonment
It may be less obvious than physical abandonment, but it’s no less traumatic.
We all have emotional needs. When those needs aren’t met, you may feel unappreciated, unloved, and disconnected. You can feel very much alone, even when you’re in a relationship with someone who’s physically present.
If you’ve experienced emotional abandonment in the past, especially as a child,
you may live in perpetual fear that it will happen again.
Fear of abandonment in children
It’s absolutely normal for babies and toddlers to go through a separation anxiety stage.
They may cry, scream, or refuse to let go when a parent or primary caregiver has to leave. Children at this stage have a hard time understanding when or if that person will return.
As they begin to understand that loved ones do return, they outgrow their fear. For most children, this happens by their 3rd birthday.
Abandonment anxiety in relationships
You may be afraid to let yourself be vulnerable in a relationship. You may have trust issues and worry excessively about your relationship. That can make you suspicious of your partner.
In time, your anxieties can cause the other person to pull back, perpetuating the cycle.