narcissistic brother
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Narcissism
Narcissism is a self-centered personality style characterized as having an excessive interest in one’s physical appearance and an excessive pre-occupation with one’s own needs, often at the expense of others.
It is human nature to be selfish and boastful to a certain degree. There is a significant difference between healthy narcissism, being self-absorbed and difficult and having a pathological mental illness like narcissistic personality disorder.
Etymology
The term “narcissism” comes from a first century book (written in the year 8 AD) by the Roman poet Ovid. Metamorphoses Book III tells the mythical story of a handsome young man, Narcissus, who spurns the advances of many potential lovers. When Narcissus rejects the nymph Echo, who was cursed to only echo the sounds that others made, the gods punished Narcissus by making him fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. When Narcissus discovers that the object of his love cannot love him back, he slowly pines away and dies.[4]
How to Deal with a Narcissistic Brother? 5 Tips That Truly Help
“Help my brother is a narcissist!” Is the cry of the sibling forced to deal with a narcissistic brother; you love him to bits, but you are at your wits end with his ridiculous behavior.
Do these characteristics sound familiar to you? He thinks he’s superior to others despite the fact that he hasn’t achieved anything in life to warrant this status. Your brother has a sense of entitlement and needs constant admiration for every little thing that he does.
He lacks empathy and cares about no one but himself. It’s difficult to accept that your brother is a narcissist, but its necessary if you are going to move forward.
It is also important to understand that narcissistic personality disorder is a condition, your brother didn’t choose to be this way, so try and be as empathetic as possible in your dealings with him. If you want to know how to deal with a narcissistic brother, keep reading.
Having a narcissistic brother is distressing to say the least. He can’t stand you and you don’t understand why. Having a conversation with him is like pulling teeth, he’s either playing the blame game, or word salad.
Absurd arguments
Word salad is a combination of gaslighting, with a dash of lies, confusion, and crazy! He talks endlessly about nothing and creates absurd arguments that make no sense.
Your brother can’t keep a secret to save his life; at the dinner table, he will blurt out something you told him in confidence with the intention of shaming you.
If you don’t live together, you dread the holidays because you don’t know what to expect from your narcissistic brother.
You are truly tired of his behavior and you are looking for a get-out clause. If you want some deeper insight into your brother’s narcissism, you will find it in the next few paragraphs.
Do You Have A Narcissistic Sibling? Take A Look At The Characteristics Of A Narcissistic Sibling
Discovering or investigating if your brother or sister is a narcissist is a difficult, but necessary step in trying to put the pieces of your life/history together. You have probably seen good and bad behaviors from your sibling(s) and you may still hold onto the idea that there was something you could do or could have done to save them. If you feel guilty for even looking this up, it means you have seen behaviors that trouble you.
So, let’s not jump onto the diagnosing of them and look more at their behaviors and your feelings, then you can be the judge. In the end, a label gives you an explanation for the things you just didn’t recognize. There is much empowerment in understanding about a narcissistic sibling. The biggest benefit is that with this knowledge you can begin to make decisions to protect yourself and begin to heal.
Pandora’s Box
In my own process of healing I eventually had to open Pandora’s Box to look at my own siblings’ behaviors and my own role in the family dynamic. My own recovery journey was to discover that I had married, dated, been the daughter of narcissists and now I can, without question, identify that I also had narcissistic siblings. No matter where you are in the process, it is never too late or too early to arm yourself with the knowledge of knowing where you came from. I call this Pandora’s Box because many times victims of narcissistic abuse by others come to learn that they were quite familiar with these behaviors from a narcissistic childhood home.
Do you enjoy being around them?
This is usually the first sign you know something is wrong. Many sibling victims do not enjoy time with their siblings. It’s exhaustive and takes so much energy to keep up the charade of playing the game of “I know” what you did and who you are, but I will still sit and eat Thanksgiving dinner with you. Anxiety before you see them in anticipation and dread of the depression you will have at yourself for allowing this to ruin another holiday is another tell-tale sign. The non-narc sibling often feels obligated because they do not want to risk isolating themselves from other family members, so they break bread and endure another holiday.
Is it hard to talk to your narcissistic brother or sister?
Does your head spin like you are being served “word salad”? Word salad is a term for conversations that go around and around in many directions with nonsense arguments that just don’t make sense. Think of Gaslighting and mix it with a dash of confusion, lies, and crazy and you have word salad. Do they always bring up things from the past to use against you? Are your conversations blame-game conversations?
Are you always the loser?
Is your role to never win when arguing? Narcissistic siblings always need to win, so by default that means you always need to lose. Even when evidence comes into play, perhaps you got a better grade or job, expect that they will seek to devalue your achievements. Narcissistic siblings will often put you down and tell lies about you to take away “your win”. If the spotlight dances on you and you gain praise from parents and family, expect them to toss out an old argument or thing you did when you were six. They are happy to smear your name whenever that light shines. This leaves a sibling victim always feeling they need to compete for any attention, depressed and never being able to measure up.
Is your sibling unable to accept accountability?
Nothing is ever their fault. Think back to childhood. Did your sister always blame you for things she was doing? Did she leave the dog outside and then blame you? Does your sister still today blame everyone else for her own choices? As an adult, the narcissistic sibling has not learned that it’s okay to make a mistake, because to them making a mistake and admitting it will make them less then perfect. Perfect is the mask they want to world to see.
The Trauma of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
In contrast to many mental heath disorders, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) can emerge in early childhood, and often manifests in the child’s social relationships with other children.
As such, siblings—especially younger siblings—of children with NPD are particularly vulnerable to the damaging effects of the disorder, which disrupt the establishment of normal, nurturing relationships and create a profoundly painful and disorienting family dynamic. Exposure to a sibling with NPD can create extraordinary emotional distress and be uniquely traumatic, as you often become the victim of your sibling’s desperate attempts to maintain psychological equilibrium both directly and indirectly.
Your sibling’s symptoms may mold the entire family around his or her needs, leaving your own emotional needs untended by both yourself and other family members. As a result, your ability to develop in an emotionally healthy way, express yourself freely, and create a safe, secure, and realistic sense of self can be deeply compromised, resulting in ongoing psychological and interpersonal struggle.
Here are some of the main signs of NPD to look out for:
- Preoccupied with self: Someone with NPD can be consumed with disproportionate senses of self-concern, self-centeredness and self-consciousness. Their strong feelings of entitlement may lead them to expect constant attention and admiration from others.
- Unrealistic expectations: The expectations of constant attention and admiration are paired with more unrealistic expectations that others will instantly comply with all their wishes without question. A narcissist’s entitlement can make them think they deserve special accommodations and favors.
- Dehumanizing others: Those with NPD might interact with people based on whether they believe that person can offer something beneficial to them, such as social status, a job or emotional fulfillment. If a narcissist determines that person has failed them, they will most often devalue or discard them. In this way, narcissists view people as means rather than individuals.
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Thank you for staying with this post “narcissistic brother” until the end.
