Hello. Welcome to solsarin. This post is about “what happens when a narcissist’s double life is exposed”.
In truth, Narcissists live more than a double life considering how they’re presenting themselves to different crowds, wearing different masks. A spouse sees one variation, while friends, business partners, and family members may see an entirely different one.
That’s because your attempts to exposure may rile them up even more. They may become more combative and hostile. They will work as hard as they can to get other people to side with them, which can leave you feeling even more resentful.
When a narcissist is exposed or when the narcissist knows you have figured him out, they will never admit the truth even if it is staring them in the face. A narcissist will lay several false accusations and try to make him right. They will say things you didn’t utter and misinterpret all your intentions.
A narcissist will come back after no contact if they find themselves low on attention, and they consider you easy to get that attention from. Most narcissists hate being alone, and they need attention far more than most people.
When the Mask Comes Finally Comes Off
Most generally, the mask comes off a covert narcissist or aggressor when there’s no more need to keep it. Once they think they have you where they have always wanted you, manipulators have no more need for pretense.
“There are many reasons why someone may lead double lives with multiple partners,” Anjula Mutanda, a relationship psychologist and vice president of Relate, tells Refinery29. “There’s an exciting and dangerous element to it. There may be sexual compulsions and the desire for multiple partners to fulfil those needs.
Poor impulse control, a big ego, exaggerated feelings of self-importance, delusions of grandeur, lack of remorse, empathy and shame, and a constant need for narcissistic supply are the key reasons why narcissists lie and cheat on their partners. Most of all, they simply think they can get away with it.
Experts say this destructive duality can stem from an individual’s inability to integrate two conflicting, opposite sides of a personality. But people who are not able to do this, psychologists say, can end up splitting off the different aspects of their personality.
Having a double life is usually associated with the world of professional spies and the like. But apparently common women and men sometimes cover up unbelievable secrets from people nearest them: their loved ones, friends and colleagues.
The narcissist is on a neverending trial, which, itself, constitutes his punishment. The initial reaction of the narcissist to a perceived humiliation is a conscious rejection of the humiliating input. The narcissist tries to ignore it, talk it out of existence, or belittle its importance.
Getting a narcissist to reveal themselves in court may be as easy as allowing them to talk about what a great parent they are to their children. Let them talk about how they spend time with the children doing homework, taking them to practice, and riding bicycles.
Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can’t control you, they’ll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
Another strategy used by the narcissist to “get back” is to start blaming the other partner for incidentals but over and over again. They might say, “You’re holding me back,” for example, when they seek constant activity with no downtime.
In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women. While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity.
That’s because, for a narcissist, staying faithful isn’t simply a matter of having a good relationship – the rush of being admired and desired by other potential sexual or romantic partners is often enough to sweep away concerns about their primary partner’s feelings.
If we ignore them again by saying “no” or going “no contact” with them, narcissists might go into a complete rage. This rage is a coping mechanism in order for them to deal with us keeping our distance from them or saying “no” to them. A rejection of narcissists means that we think they are not perfect.
The covert narcissist may lose their new source of supply and regret having given up your supply, but they do not regret leaving you. It’s kind of like selling your old, reliable car for a shiny new one, only to find out it’s a lemon.
At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people’s needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
It’s subtle, but their narcissistic mask does slip
They are usually easy to identify. Covert narcissists are harder to spot. They don’t like having all eyes upon them, and they’ll resort to a little self-deprecation to get you to feel comfortable around them.
The narcissist mask is what he wears to assert a face of superiority and entitlement, protecting himself from intolerable feelings of invalidation, otherwise known as “narcissistic injury.” Narcissists are classic bullies.
When pain takes over, someone with narcissistic personality disorder may collapse and react intensely.
countable noun [usu sing] If you say that someone is living a double life, you mean that they lead two separate and very different lives, and they appear to be a different person in each. She threatened to publicly expose his double life if he left her. ‘double life’
Sociopaths are social predators who live their lives by exploiting others. When sociopaths live double lives, the prime reason is probably because it enables them to exploit multiple people simultaneously.
Do Narcissists Have Friends? Yes, but as you have read from the definition of friendship, the nature of their condition does not allow narcissists to have true friends. Narcissists have a lack of empathy, they may sit and listen to a friend’s problems, but they will quickly make that conversation about themselves.
By remaining friends with their exes, narcissists get to keep all of their former partners on a carousel of convenience: they can create a harem of people to use for sex, money, praise, attention or whatever else they desire, at any time.
The emotional, mental, physical and spiritual impact of secrets are well documented. In fact, research suggests keeping secrets can significantly boost stress hormones, impact blood pressure, inhibit sleep, contribute to mental health and substance use disorders and even increase chronic pain.
But psychologists say that most normal adults are well equipped to start a secret life, if not to sustain it. The ability to hold a secret is fundamental to healthy social development, they say, and the desire to sample other identities — to reinvent oneself, to pretend — can last well into adulthood.
They want to see how much they can destroy you
Rather, they just don’t want to see other people happy. They don’t want to put the work into maintaining everything themselves, which is why they don’t stick around once they’ve destroyed their target’s life.
Feeling embarrassed or humiliated is painful for anyone, but narcissists are especially reactive to those emotions. To avoid such feelings, narcissists may preemptively humiliate people around them to gain the upper hand.
A monumental weakness in the narcissist is the failure to look internally and flesh out what needs to be worked on. Then, of course, the next step is to spend time improving. The narcissist sabotages any possibility of looking deep within.
Narcissists use emotional appeals to disguise false or outrageous claims. Since many narcissists tend to be Drama Kings or Queens, using over-the-top emotionality to control others comes naturally for them. Example: How dare you question me!
Essentially, the narcissistic person’s message is one of extreme disapproval to the degree that the silence renders the target so insignificant that he or she is ignored and becomes more or less nonexistent in the eyes of the narcissistic person.
Narcissists and other manipulators can try to win you back even after you cut them out of your life. In fact, they can do that even if they were the one who ended the relationship.
There will be no apologies or remorse, and you may well never hear from them again, regardless of how long your relationship was. If they do return, it will be because they’ve realised they can get something. If you’re the one who chose to leave, on the other hand, be prepared for begging, pleading or bargaining.
A narcissist will lay several false accusations and try to make him right. They will say things you didn’t utter and misinterpret all your intentions.
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